So I wanted to share a little peak into my life. I work hard at staying completely vulnerable and transparent with all who care to see into my life, so here goes. This past weekend I went on a racing trip, it was the only racing trip that my dad and I take each year because it is pretty much all we can afford in today’s economy. We look forward to this race each year and in years past I have lost first round, lost second round, made it to the finals and lost because of my boneheaded decisions, and each year left unhappy with my racing but glad that we went and that I had that time with my dad and close racing friends. Well, this past weekend this race was a disaster and no one we talked to was very happy, our hard earned race-cation as we call it was a huge disappointment(please racers don’t start posting, I have read all of them and contributed far more than I should have), racing is a hobby but it is also the only get away I have. I work two pretty much full time jobs and a part time job and any side job I can get my hands on without being away from my family too much. My cellphone goes off from before sun up until after midnight many, many days(and I am not in any way complaining, I love it that way). But we all need to get away. Last night before I drifted off to sleep I asked God to help me get past the depression I am dealing with, and the feelings that got dug up during this past weekend(I am a pastor, a man of God, and also a human being and the more I study the more I realize it is normal for me to feel this way as a pastor) and so I fell asleep, it was a great sleep one of the best sleeps I have had in a long time and I had a dream, and it was the first dream I have had in a very long time. We raced and it went pretty well, I won a few rounds, spent quality time with close friends, fellow racers and most importantly my father. We drove home thru the night to make it to church the next morning, I got things ready, the worship team was pumped up and ready and it felt good. For some reason this particular week (it’s a dream they never make sense anyway) we did small groups before church not after, and everyone was in our small group but that is normal at times. People who hadn’t been there in a while and making excuses showed back up and it was great. We had a good discussion, it didn’t take the normal the path of discussing where people went to church during the middle of the week, or how great other worship services or preachers are, it was just a good session, and it was time to get ready for worship. I always sneak away for a few minutes each Sunday to get focused on why I am there, so that instead of looking at the empty pews where regulars should be I am able to focus on the fact that I spent hours the past week preparing a message to share and that it isn’t about me but about God. I realized during that prayer time I had missed 11:00 completely and it was time for me to get things started, I walked thru the front door and to my amazement everyone was there, I mean no sports, no trips, no work, no sickness, no one that should be there was missing from the congregation. I couldn’t contain myself I was so excited that for once, just one Sunday everyone was there. But, I noticed a commotion in the back of the church and Tara looked concerned so I walked back there to find that people were leaving, visitors had come that said they would come for quite some while and they were leaving because there wasn’t a seat. And people were angry because they walked in their usual few minutes late and had to stand. Still trying to process it all, still trying to piece it together but this dream helped me realize I have things a little out of whack, as many of us do. I don’t know how or why but I have put so much of my energy and my time and my heart into this ministry that it is making other areas suffer. I am so thankful to Tara for putting up with me, and the girls. They are a part of every piece of the ministry and I do believe if nothing else I do a great job of not neglecting my family. But they do see the heart ache and the pain, and unfortunately it affects them too. I also realized that the very thing I am praying about, praying for and focusing the majority of my energy in can still disappoint me. Thank you God, for kicking my butt in my dreams and opening my eyes to a new day!